Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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