She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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