If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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