I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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