sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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