yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
