this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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