There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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