you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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