We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
