I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
