I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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