So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
