That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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