if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this boner is exhausting
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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