When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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