She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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