He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
