lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
