Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
