How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
