The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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