Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
