i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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