We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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