this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
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