I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
