I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
