so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
