Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
