I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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