I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he shaved USA in his pubs
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm passing your future prison.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
