And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
