Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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