his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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