Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I puked a lego.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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