He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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