well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
