naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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