please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
