I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it was like eating out sand paper
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
