Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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