She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
