They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
