Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
