Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
