I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
