I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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