Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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