dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
