Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My balls are so social today.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was like eating out sand paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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