I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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