Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
