I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
