I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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