i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
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I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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