I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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