best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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