Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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