My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
