My cat gives me a boner
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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