If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
