i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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