What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
