Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
