none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
