i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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