I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My vagina is officially offended.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize