I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
