youre lurking in front of me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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