My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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