U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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