Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
