So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
His hands were made for my vagina.
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Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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whose parrot is this?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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