god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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