get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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