Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
