I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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